i refuse to give up

Hellooooooo!

What have you been up to?

I am doing not-so-good but not-too-bad, either.
I guess I am fine and will be great in a few days.

I almost didn’t send this newsletter.
(Did you notice it came on a Saturday instead of your Fridays?)

Anyway, the reason is mentioned in the third line, and a delusion in the fourth.

I had big hopes since the year started. Like really BIG.

• Monetary Goals

• Client Goals

• Travel Goals

• Reading Goals

• And probably 10 other minor ones.

What am I talking about? I have shared these goals in this newsletter itself, claiming to give you value, once I am done with personal commitments and all the drama, but here we are.

I sat down to write this edition on Thursday morning, thinking I’ll lay down my May goals here.

And by the end of the day, all I hadn’t typed a single word and all I had to say was “I give up”

Cause I simply didn’t have the energy.

To put in the work. To show up. To plan and execute and live up to the ‘consistent’ self that I have advertised so proudly in the past.

So, that’s what I did.

I skipped the Friday Morning newsletter, ended up watching Adolescence (3 episodes), and reading a few pages of the book I was supposed to finish.

By 11 pm, I didn’t feel like working, or reading, or writing or sleeping or breathing.

So I did what felt the most practical. Listened to Taylor Swift and fell asleep by 2 or 3 am, I don't know.

Carried the same energy Friday morning, everything was a blur. Moving too fast.

I woke up, blinked and it was 2 pm. I had a severe headache and felt feverish, so I had lunch, took a dolo and tried sleeping.

Squirmed in bed for an hour, then actually slept after 4 pm. Woke up at 7 with the same blank mind.

Then I did the next best practical thing.

Went outside and sat under our curry leaves tree, staring at the sky and the dispersed clouds and the leaves, and the birds returning home.

I don’t know how long I sat there. Maybe 5 minutes, maybe 30. I’d like to say a voice from within me said something, but I guess I’m just saying that because I’m reading Eat Pray Love.

But something did say, “What the fuck are you crying about? Get up and get to work.”

So that’s what I did.

Went ahead, made a cup of tea for myself, and started writing this newsletter.

Then there was a Noice community call scheduled at 8, so I joined that and it amazingly went till 11 pm.

So it’s 12.05 am right now on a Friday night (technically Saturday Morning) and I refuse to not show up this week in your inboxes.

Again, I understand this is not the ‘value’ that I promised to you, but I am trying. 

This is also a reminder to you (and to myself) that showing up isn’t easy, always having something important to say isn’t practical, and allowing yourself a day or two (in my case, more than ten) to feel, figure things out, and just be is okay.

Since we are refusing to give up, here are my May goals.

• Reach 10k LinkedIn followers (current 7400)

• Get 1000 newsletter subs across 2 newsletters (Current 340+54)

• Sign 2 clients for writing newsletters for them (current 0)

• Sign 2 personal branding clients for LinkedIn (current 0)

• Sign 2 new SaaS clients.

• Write guest posts and get 3 bylines.

Too much? Probably.

But you wouldn’t know what you are capable of until you overpromise.

I wish you (and myself) health, happiness and energy to do things that we really want to do.

See you next Friday!

Love,
Nikita