I pay my therapist ~₹5k per month. And Chatgpt ~₹2k.

Some days, it honestly feels like ChatGPT does a better job.

But when my therapist took a 2-month break, I realised something important, I was all over the place.

So I started talking things out elsewhere, trying to understand what’s been bothering me.

Lately, it’s this:

Where did the drive go?

For the last two years, I worked relentlessly on my freelancing journey. I had a clear goal, and I reached it.

But now, setting new goals feels like a task.
I don’t feel as creative.
And instead of excitement, I mostly feel guilt.

A lot of things have changed this year hence meaning I have a fuller life now and I don’t need to fill every gap with ‘work’.

This was originally identified by my therapist, lol.

Tomorrow marks two years of freelancing.

Maybe this is the point where I stop chasing “more work” and start figuring out what being “free” actually means.

I don’t fully know what that looks like yet.

But I’ll figure it out, like I always have.

I also realised writing a story every week is harder than it sounds. I have a couple of drafts, but they feel too personal.

So I’m going to experiment, maybe write fiction inspired by real moments, and get better with each piece.

For now, I’m sitting with this:

I’m grateful for everything I have now.
I just need to learn how to hold it without feeling like I’m falling behind.

Wish me luck.